From: Goran
--
***Smile.... it increases your face value!
***Smile.... it increases your face value!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Ja sam ...
From: Ksenija
Voz "klopara" kroz Srbiju. Kondukter proverava karte putnicima i dolazi
do jednog klinca, koji putuje sam.
"Decko pokazi kartu!" - trazi kondukter
Mali odgovara : "Ja sam Srbin."
Kondukter ce opet: "Ma imas li ti kartu, momak?'"
Mali kaze: " Ali, ja sam Srbin!"
Na sledecoj stanici kondukter izbaci klinca napolje.
Kada je voz dosao na krajnje odrediste, kondukter seta po vozu i
proverava da li su svi izasli, a prilazi mu kolega masinovodja i
pita ga : "Kolega, znas li gde mi je sin?"
Kondukter se uhvati za glavu - i rece "Srbo, brate, - izvini!"
do jednog klinca, koji putuje sam.
"Decko pokazi kartu!" - trazi kondukter
Mali odgovara : "Ja sam Srbin."
Kondukter ce opet: "Ma imas li ti kartu, momak?'"
Mali kaze: " Ali, ja sam Srbin!"
Na sledecoj stanici kondukter izbaci klinca napolje.
Kada je voz dosao na krajnje odrediste, kondukter seta po vozu i
proverava da li su svi izasli, a prilazi mu kolega masinovodja i
pita ga : "Kolega, znas li gde mi je sin?"
Kondukter se uhvati za glavu - i rece "Srbo, brate, - izvini!"
Friday, April 25, 2008
What starts with F and ends with K
From: Robert
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,
"Harry, what's your problem?"
"I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Harry answered,
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and heagreedto take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and said to her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks replied "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Jedan istrazivacki vic
From: Goran
Ulazi Mujo u jednu kafanu negdje u Africi. Sjeda za šank, iz džepa izvadi neko malo zeleno ušato čudovište i stavi ga na šank. Prilazi im šanker:
- "Šta želite?"
Mujo odgovori:
- "Meni vinjak, a za mog prijatelja (pokazuje na čudovište) jedno pivo."
- "A šta je to", upita ga zbunjeni šanker.
- "Znate, ja sam istraživač, pa smo sa ekspedicijom išli u selo... (pogleda u čudovište), je li Huso, kako se ba zvaše ono selo gde si vraču opsovao majku?"
--
***Smile.... it increases your face value!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Zašto???
From: Tomislav
Zašto ljudi naruce dupli cheeseburger, veliku porciju
pomfrita i light coca colu???
Zašto žene ne mogu da stave maskaru zatvorenih usta?
Zašto je rec "skracenica" tako dugacka?
Zašto, da bismo ugasili Windows, moramo prvo kliknuti
na "start"?
Zašto se sok od limuna pravi od vestackih dodataka, a
deterdžent za sudove s mirisom limuna od pravih
limuna?
Zašto ne postoji hrana za macke s ukusom miša?
Zašto je igla koju upotrebljavaju za eutanaziju
sterilna?
Sigurno ste vec culi za neuništive crne kutije u
avionima... Zašto ne proizvode citav avion od takvog
materijala?
Zašto uvek jace pritiskamo dirke daljinskog kad su
baterije skoro ispražnjene?
Zašto peremo peskire koje smo koristili posle kupanja?
Zar ne bismo trebali biti cisti u trenutku kad se
brišemo njima?
Zašto piloti kamikaze nose kacige?
Kad zadaviš štrumpfa, kakvu boju on tad poprimi?
Kako table s natpisom "zabranjeno je gaziti travu"
dospu na sredinu travnjaka?
Šta je to covek pokušavao da radi onog trenutka kad je
otkrio da krava daje mleko?
Ako je rec u recniku nepravilno napisana, kako cemo to
primetiti?
Zašto Noje nije zgnjecio par komaraca?
Da li i radnici u liptonu (ice tea) imaju pauzu za
"kafu"?
Zašto se "odvojeni" piše sastavljeno, a "svi zajedno"
rastavljeno?
Ako želim da kupim novi boomerang, kako da se rešim
starog?
Zašto prodavnice otvorene 24 sata na dan imaju brave i
katance ?
Sad, ako ste se bar jednom nasmešili, na vama je red
da širite glupost, osmeh nam je svima potreban
heheheh
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Olja
| Upecaju Hrvat, Mađar, Šiptar i Srbin zlatnu ribicu. |
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
cows
From: Dragutin
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first
anatomy class, with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a
white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them:
"In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities
as a doctor.
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal
body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in
the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually they took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of
the
dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
"The second most important quality is observation.
I inserted my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention."
Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.
boy
______________________________________________
From: Dragutin
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday
night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like
to go out and make love for the first time .
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks
the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy
quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still
no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes
with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
The boy turns, and whispers back, 'And I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist.'
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
FW: ops...
-----Original Message-----
From: Goran
From: Goran
U liftu hotela čovjek slučajno laktom dodirne ženi sise, pa reče:
"Ako vam je srce meko k`o sisa, oprostit ćete!!"
Žena mu odgovori:
"Ako vam je tvrd k`o lakat, soba 205!!"
--
***Smile.... it increases your face value!
Maybah!!!!
From: Srdjan
Ovako se otvara MAYBAH koji vredi oko 320.000EUR!!!!!
Hercegovac kupio Maybacha i dovezao ga kuci u Soviće,
skupili se susjedi pa pregledavali, čudili se , zapitkivali.
U toj gužvi netko je pritisnuo dugmić i sva vrata su se zaključala.
Kako je završilo pogledajte na slici.
Monday, April 14, 2008
muskarci
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Olja
Opako !
> ZA JACANJE ZENSKOG EGA
> "Jesi li prije mene sa nekim hodala?"
> "Nisam. Svi su imali auto"
>
> "Zasto su muskarci kao snjezna oluja?"
> "Nikad ne znas kad dodu, koliko centimetara ce donijeti i
> koliko dugo ce trajati.
>
> "Sto imaju zajednickog muski i oblaci?"
> "Kad se presele na drugo mjesto ostane lijep dan!"
>
> "Sto je rekao Bog kad je napravio muskarca?"
> "Znam napraviti i boljih stvari."
>
> Sto je rekao Bog kad je napravio muskarca?"
> "Pokusat cu jos jednom."
>
>
> "Zasto ima puno muskaraca noge na O?"
> "Jer su obicno manje vazne stvari u zagradi"
>
>
> "Sto imaju zajednickog pivska flasa i muskarci?"
> "Od grla prema gore su prazni."
>
>
> "Postoji li neko tko moze obaviti posao 5
muskaraca?" "Zena!"
>
> "Kakva je razlika izmedu kavane i klitorisa?"
> "Kavanu muskarci nadu vrlo lako ..."
>
>
> "Sto je to - biseksualni muskarac?"
> "To je muski koji bi, a ne moze."
>
>
> Zasto babice lupaju novorodence po guzi ?
> "Da inteligentnim opadne pimpek"
>
> "Kako muskarci razvrstavaju svoj ves?"
> "Na dvije hrpe: Prljavo, i prljavo, ali jos
upotrebljivo."
>
> "Ja nisam muskarac za jednu noc! Ja se umorim poslije 2
sata!"
>
>
> "Kako muskarci rade fiskulturu na plazi?"
> "Uvuku trbuh unutra svaki put kad vide zensku u
bikiniju."
>
>
> "Zasto muskarci vole ozeniti djevicu?"
> "Zato, sto ne vole kritike."
>
>
> "Kako muskarci pokazuju brigu za buducnost?"
> "Umjesto 1 kupe 2 gajbe piva."
>
>
> "Zasto imaju muskarci veliki trbuh od pijenja piva?"
> "Zato da alat koji ne upotrebljavaju, stoji pod krovom."
Friday, April 11, 2008
Sta sve Google zna!
______________________________________________
From: Tatjana
<<Google Did you mean.JPG>>
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
Economics Explained for us Country Folk........
From: Fernando
Economic models explained with cows
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count Them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count Them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Zemunci u vicevima
uci tata sina, naravno Zemunca, matematiku...
"Imas, sine, pet jabuka, i dodje neko i uzme ti dve..."
sin ga prekine: "Ko mi, bre, uzme?!?"
Kako se Zemunac moli bogu?
- Brate, ako te ima, kaži mi kako da se sakrijem kao ti!
Dolazi Zemunac u trafiku.
Zemunac: - Tebra, imaš papirne maramice?
Prodavac: - Imam samo "Paloma".
Zemunac: - Pa loma mi i batre!
Job interview u Zemunu.
Šef: - Koliko imate od škole?
Zemunac: -Pa, jedno 200 - 300 metara, brate...
Zemunac: - Slinavi, kako je bilo u školi danas?
Mali
Zemunac: - Stvarno? Do jaja slinavi! I kad ides sutra u skolu?
Mali
Uciteljica u Zemunu ispituje prvake matematiku:
- Marice, ajde ti: koliko je 2+2?
- 4, uciteljice!
- Bravo! A 3+3?
- 6!!!!!!
- Odlično Marice! A koliko jeeee.... 3+2??
- Mmmmmm.... 5!!!!
- Odlično, Marice!
U tom momentumali
Uciteljica: -Po ...pobogu, dete, šta si to uradio???!!!!
Mali
Setaju cale i sin Zemunci centrom, naravno, Zemuna, imali
Mc Donald's-u.
Sin: - Cale, s'a je ono veliko M na onoj zgradi?
Cale: - M kao Munze, slinavi!
Mali Zemunac dolazi iz skole.
MZ: Kevoooo! Kevooooooooo!!!! Kevo bre!!!
Keva: Cao, sine! Sta je bilo?
MZ: Ma... Ma, s'a bre ti meni s'a je bilo, breeee!!!??? A?
Sedi mudrac pored reke i gleda u daljinu. Dolazi Zemunac i pita ga:
- "E cale, jedino ti mozes da mi pomognes da resim dilemu. Ti imas dosta
iskustva, godina, mudrosti... Reci mi - sta je smisao zivota?"
Na to ce mudrac:
- "Vidis sinko... to ti je ova reka..."
Zemunac:
- "Aj' ne seri, ja mislio zezanje, kola, *****, alkohol..."
Mudrac:
- "Uuu jeee, ja mislio reka!"
zemunac na lidu uci klinca da pliva....
posle prvog zaveslaja,mali
one misice na naduvavanje....medjutim, opet ista prica....prvi zaveslaj i
mali
ubaci u vodu.... ali opet ista prica....
tek jedan lik vikne iz kafica na obali: "brate, skini mu kajlu!"
Dva Zemunca sede u domu zdravlja i cekaju. Prilazi im sestra i pita:
-Jeste li vi za EKG?
-Ne, mi smo za SRS!!!
Kako se Zemunac javlja na telefon?
-Znaci halo!!!
Uci Zemunac papagaja da prica:
-Reci sta je!!!
Papagaj cuti.
-Ajde reci sta je!!!!
Papagaj opet nista.
-Alo bre, reci sta je!!!!
I papagaj najzad progovori:
-Sta je? Sta je?
-Sta bre ti meni sta je, a!!!!!!!!!
kako zemunci pevaju cecu?
...znam za jedan grad,pored jeBeograd ....
Kresu se Zemunac i Dorcolka, kad odjednom Dorcolka pocne da mumla:
- Svrsicu, svrsicu, svrsicu!
A Zemunac joj odvali samarcinu i rece:
- P..ka ti materina ko ti je taj Svrsic!?
Kako Zemunac pise sastav na temu "Zima"
Zima, to je godisnje doba kad cak i moj tata drzi ruke u SVOJIM dzepovima.
Pitali Zemunca:
- da li citav svoj zivot zivite u Zemunu
-Ne jos - odgovori Zemunac.
-Koja je razlika izmedju Zemunca i tramboline?
- Panduri izuvaju cipele kad skacu po trambolini.
- Danas sam uradila test trudnoce!-saopstava sponzorusa Zemuncu
-I jesu li bila teska pitanja?
Prosio Zemunac sponzorusu, i otac kaze
- Ako imas kucu, auto i lovu dacu ti njenu ruku.
Zemunac:
-Brate! Sa cim treba da ufuram, pa da dobijem celu ribu?
Hasan Dudic stoji ispod duda, kad naidje Zemunac.
- Jao, brate, sto si ti meni nesto poznat! Kako se zoves, brate?
- Hasan Dudic.
- Ma vidim brate, da hasas dudic, nego kako se zoves?
Pitali Zemunca zasto je Sami ziveo na Dorcolu?
- Zato sto je majmun!- odgovori Zemunac.
Sudija pita optuzenog Zemunca:
- Ako ste vec ukrali zlatan nakit, zasto ste ostavili pet hiljada evra koje
su bile u drugoj fioci?
- Ajde nemojte sad i vi...Dosta mi je sto me ceo Zemun zajebava!
Dolazi Zemunac iz inostranstva i hvali se po kraju kako je karo crnkinju.
Pitaju ga ortaci da opise kako je bilo. Kaze on kao karam ja nju i ona
odjednom pocne da vice dipr, dipr.
I ja sta cu brate dnempr.
"Imas, sine, pet jabuka, i dodje neko i uzme ti dve..."
sin ga prekine: "Ko mi, bre, uzme?!?"
Kako se Zemunac moli bogu?
- Brate, ako te ima, kaži mi kako da se sakrijem kao ti!
Dolazi Zemunac u trafiku.
Zemunac: - Tebra, imaš papirne maramice?
Prodavac: - Imam samo "Paloma".
Zemunac: - Pa loma mi i batre!
Job interview u Zemunu.
Šef: - Koliko imate od škole?
Zemunac: -Pa, jedno 200 - 300 metara, brate...
Zemunac: - Slinavi, kako je bilo u školi danas?
Zemunac: - Stvarno? Do jaja slinavi! I kad ides sutra u skolu?
Uciteljica u Zemunu ispituje prvake matematiku:
- Marice, ajde ti: koliko je 2+2?
- 4, uciteljice!
- Bravo! A 3+3?
- 6!!!!!!
- Odlično Marice! A koliko jeeee.... 3+2??
- Mmmmmm.... 5!!!!
- Odlično, Marice!
U tom momentu
Uciteljica: -
Setaju cale i sin Zemunci centrom, naravno, Zemuna, i
Mc Donald's-u.
Sin: - Cale, s'a je ono veliko M na onoj zgradi?
Cale: - M kao Munze, slinavi!
Mali Zemunac dolazi iz skole.
MZ: Kevoooo! Kevooooooooo!!!! Kevo bre!!!
Keva: Cao, sine! Sta je bilo?
MZ: Ma... Ma, s'a bre ti meni s'a je bilo, breeee!!!??? A?
Sedi mudrac pored reke i gleda u daljinu. Dolazi Zemunac i pita ga:
- "E cale, jedino ti mozes da mi pomognes da resim dilemu. Ti imas dosta
iskustva, godina, mudrosti... Reci mi - sta je smisao zivota?"
Na to ce mudrac:
- "Vidis sinko... to ti je ova reka..."
Zemunac:
- "Aj' ne seri, ja mislio zezanje, kola, *****, alkohol..."
Mudrac:
- "Uuu jeee, ja mislio reka!"
zemunac na lidu uci klinca da pliva....
posle prvog zaveslaja,
one misice na naduvavanje....medjutim, opet ista prica....prvi zaveslaj i
ubaci u vodu.... ali opet ista prica....
tek jedan lik vikne iz kafica na obali: "brate, skini mu kajlu!"
Dva Zemunca sede u domu zdravlja i cekaju. Prilazi im sestra i pita:
-Jeste li vi za EKG?
-Ne, mi smo za SRS!!!
Kako se Zemunac javlja na telefon?
-Znaci halo!!!
Uci Zemunac papagaja da prica:
-Reci sta je!!!
Papagaj cuti.
-Ajde reci sta je!!!!
Papagaj opet nista.
-Alo bre, reci sta je!!!!
I papagaj najzad progovori:
-Sta je? Sta je?
-Sta bre ti meni sta je, a!!!!!!!!!
kako zemunci pevaju cecu?
...znam za jedan grad,pored je
Kresu se Zemunac i Dorcolka, kad odjednom Dorcolka pocne da mumla:
- Svrsicu, svrsicu, svrsicu!
A Zemunac joj odvali samarcinu i rece:
- P..ka ti materina ko ti je taj Svrsic!?
Kako Zemunac pise sastav na temu "Zima"
Zima, to je godisnje doba kad cak i moj tata drzi ruke u SVOJIM dzepovima.
Pitali Zemunca:
- da li citav svoj zivot zivite u Zemunu
-Ne jos - odgovori Zemunac.
-Koja je razlika izmedju Zemunca i tramboline?
- Panduri izuvaju cipele kad skacu po trambolini.
- Danas sam uradila test trudnoce!-saopstava sponzorusa Zemuncu
-I jesu li bila teska pitanja?
Prosio Zemunac sponzorusu, i otac kaze
- Ako imas kucu, auto i lovu dacu ti njenu ruku.
Zemunac:
-Brate! Sa cim treba da ufuram, pa da dobijem celu ribu?
Hasan Dudic stoji ispod duda, kad naidje Zemunac.
- Jao, brate, sto si ti meni nesto poznat! Kako se zoves, brate?
- Hasan Dudic.
- Ma vidim brate, da hasas dudic, nego kako se zoves?
Pitali Zemunca zasto je Sami ziveo na Dorcolu?
- Zato sto je majmun!- odgovori Zemunac.
Sudija pita optuzenog Zemunca:
- Ako ste vec ukrali zlatan nakit, zasto ste ostavili pet hiljada evra koje
su bile u drugoj fioci?
- Ajde nemojte sad i vi...Dosta mi je sto me ceo Zemun zajebava!
Dolazi Zemunac iz inostranstva i hvali se po kraju kako je karo crnkinju.
Pitaju ga ortaci da opise kako je bilo. Kaze on kao karam ja nju i ona
odjednom pocne da vice dipr, dipr.
I ja sta cu brate dnempr.
looking for a new job?
From: kevin
too late, they have already given it to this man,
see the attached
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Gerry
They're already advertising his job...
http://www.recruitireland.com/job/?jobID=10012942
--
Lesley Stahl on U.S. sanctions against Iraq: "We have heard that a
half million children have died. I mean, that's more children than
died in Hiroshima. And, you know, is the price worth it?"
President Clinton's Secretary of State Madeleine Albright: "I think
this is a very hard choice, but the price--we think the price is worth
it."
--60 Minutes (5/12/96)
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Tuesday, April 01, 2008
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