DHCP - dva hladna crna piva
WINS - vina ima, natoci svima
ASP - ajmo svi pit'
SLIP - sad litru i pelinkovac
PPP - pijem pivo popodne
DVD - daj vodu drugima
ISA - idu stari alkosi
GPS - gorki pelinkovac svima
GIS - gorki i stella
ODBC - odnesi dva ballantinesa curama
DNS - daj nam sol-a
ARP - ajmo radije piti
PAP - prekaljeni alkoholicari piju
ADO - alkohol dolazi odmah
.NET - neka etanol tece
IRC - Ipak Rakiju Curama
PHP - Posalji Hladno Pivo
HTTP - Hocu Tamno Toceno Pivo
CGI - Cirkaj Game Ipak
SCSI - Svi Cugamo Sipaj Isto
AGP - Alkohol Gospoda Piju
DDR - Donesi Domacu Rakiju
MIRC - Ma ipak rakiju curama
ICQ - iskljucivo rakiju qpujem
FTP - fermentaciju toplo preporucujem
UTP - uveliko tekilu pijem
DSL - duplu sauzu lemam
AGP - Ajde gruni pivo
URL - Ujutro rešeno lecenje
FTP - Fermentacija tocenog piva
TELNET - Tocena efikasno litra nocu eliminiše tegobe
PERL - Ponesi evo rakije litru
PING - Pivna industrija nikad gora
WWW - Votka vodi vandalizmu
3D - 3 domace
GPRS - Gulimo prvo rakiju subotom
WAP - Veoma alkoholno pice
BMP - Biceš mamuran posle
CNC - Cele Noci Cugam
URL - Unicum Radi Lepo
JS - Jagermajster Sipaj
HTML - Hladan Tuborg Mamurluk Leci
USB - Uspi Strejt Burbon
JPG - Jedno Pivo Gospodjici
DSL - Daj Svima Lozu
P2P - Posalji 2 Piva
CSS - Cugaj Samo Smirnoff
DOS - Daj Opet Smirnoff
CPU - Cirkaj Pivo Uvek
HDD - Hajde Domacu Donesi
ISDN - Isto Samo Duplo Natoci
PDF - Pijemo Do Fajronta
TTF - Toci Tu Finlandiju
UPS - Udri Po Sljivovici
UTF8 - Uspi Tocenih Fostersa 8
WIN XP - Votku Iskljucivo Na EKS Pijem
ZIP - Zenama Ipak Pivo
PPD - Pelinkovac Prvo Donesi
MySQL - Metaxu Jednu Stavi Kocku Leda
ISDN - Idi Sestro Donesi Nikšicko
CABLE - Cevcim Absint Bijuci Ludu Esmeraldu (stanje zvano koma)
T3 - Tuborga Tri
LOL - Laško Olvejz Laško
VoIP - Vinjak odmah ispij pijanduro
Ovo baš nisu pijane skraćenice, ali...
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools
Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really
Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
A sad nešto malo drugačije...
Ten Commandments for Stress Free Programming
Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.
Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting
the same abort again.
Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your
users are error prone.
Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don't do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime.
That is being very user friendly.
Thou shalt not optimize.
Your users are very thankful to get the information, they don't worry
about speed and efficiency.
Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software
than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software
anyway.
Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You
made the software perfect the first time, it will never need
modifications.
Thou shalt not hurry.
Only the cute and the mighty should get the program by deadline.
Thou shalt not revise.
Your interpretation of specs was right, you know the users'
requirements better than them.
Thou shalt not share.
If other programmers needed some of your code, they should have
written it themselves.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
None. It's a hardware problem.
1.000000001.
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document
it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical
writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented
it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum
up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out
the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb
change,...
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and
two to explain why the project was late.
Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000.
"The change is 90% complete."
"It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to
do unit testing, it stops working."
Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a
bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old one.
"We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to
maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait
two months?"
How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's
problem."
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
"You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb
object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.
How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write
WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...
How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the
light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb
administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb
at the same time.
How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number
GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of
which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left
blank".
How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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